Woman skips her own surprise birthday party after discovering her sister invited her toxic ex-boyfriend: 'Maya is now basically saying that I ruined the whole party'

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  • A group of friends sit on a couch as one woman holds a birthday cake.
  • "[Am I wrong] for skipping my own surprise birthday party once I found out it wasn’t really for me?"

    I have never been big on birthdays, don't get me wrong I don't hate them, I just prefer something low-key: dinner with my closest friends, maybe watch a film, something small basically.
  • Everyone close to me knows this, especially my sister, (let's call her maya) who loves big gestures and believes every birthday or achievement needs balloons and a theme and much much more.
  • Two weeks before my birthday, Maya started acting strange. She kept asking me if id be "free that Saturday" and acted weirdly when I asked why.
  • I suspected that she was up to something, so I told her AGAIN that I didn't want a party.
  • She just laughed and said that as per usual I was being no fun. A couple nights ago (the night before my birthday) one of our mutual friends let it slip about it being a party, she mentioned what she was wearing.
  • Anyway turns out the whole family was invited and it was at our parent's house. Some co- workers were also invited but here's the kicker - MY F NG EX.
  • For a little context - me and ex broke up about 2 months ago. It ended pretty badly, no ab e or cheating but it wasn't a pleasant ending.
  • I've made it pretty clear to everyone in my life that I want NO contact. Maya knows this, however she's told me multiple times that I should just get over the whole situation because he's a nice guy and that he's been apart of all our lives for years.
  • The first thing that I did was call maya, demanding answers and she didn't deny it.
  • She just said that we could finally talk it all out. She admitted that she hadn't just thrown this party for my birthday but also so everyone could see my ex again and we could fix things between us.
  • She literally said to me that I'd thank her later. I went mad, I said to her she had no right.
  • That I would have been ambushed into the situation, on MY birthday. And this was all after I had specifically said that I didn't want a party.
  • She just said that I was dramatic and bl dy ungrateful, that she had this whole thing planned because I wouldn't find better and it was a good gift.
  • She said everyone had gifts and travelled. That everyone was excited. So yesterday, my birthday, I completely powered off my phone. and didn't let anyone know other than my best friend so we went out for lunch and went on a walk together.
  • Ended up having a great day. When I finally got home I turned my phone on and it was MENTAL.
  • Maya was fuming, people were disappointed, people even said I embarrassed maya. Maya is now basically saying that I ruined the whole party, and made it all about me (it was literally my birthday).
  • She says that she did it out of a good place in her heart and that I should at least apologise for not showing up and letting people know.
  • A group of friends cover a woman's eyes with their hands in front of a birthday cake.
  • kazoo81 NTA is she in love with your ex or something?
  • unknownlee_0x Original Poster's Reply Im beginning to think so lol
  • Stunning Patience_78 NTA, dont think you could have been more clear about it in advance. Her problem for ignoring you. Out of curiosity did your ex actually show up?
  • unknownlee_0x Original Poster's Reply Yes
  • j_gagnon I'd wager that OP is not a "post to my socials for the whole world to see" type of person
  • unknownlee_0x Original Poster's Reply I don't have an issue with it. However I'd rather email/text everyone privately there's no need to create anymore drama over the situation that's like adding fuel to the fire lol
  • Spare_Ad5009 Wow, how controlling and narcissistic of her! NTA. Explain this to your friends who were "disappointed": that it was really an ambush to get you back with your ex. As a goodwill gesture, invite your coworkers and friends and other invitees who you like to your house for a pizza and beer party. You can limit it to 5 to 7, if that's better for you.
  • unknownlee_0x Original Poster's Reply Love that thanks!
  • Crafty_Fun_3674 NTA-Super duper not. And was your best friend, with whom you actually celebrated your birthday invited to the ambush or was your actual friend left out of this drama?
  • unknownlee_0x Original Poster's Reply She wasn't invited lol yet everyone knows shes my closest friend! Found that weird
  • ShoddyIntrovert32 You should apologize to all the other people. Not your sister though. And in that apology, explain how she tried to sabotage you by inventing your ex, in which you wanted nothing to do with and only brings bad memories.
  • unknownlee_0x Original Poster's Reply I've contacted my co workers. My parents knew.
  • idiot-prodigy NTA Maya is f g your ex. Do not ever speak to that clown again, she is most obviously not a true friend and life is too short for that type of saboteur.
  • unknownlee_0x Original Poster's Reply Sister :(
  • Fast-Table-2288 NTA. Except you should have informed your parents that you would not be attending. Your sister can p d sand.
  • unknownlee_0x Original Poster's Reply My parents knew about my ex
  • A group of friends sit on a couch as one woman holds a wrapped birthday gift.

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